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(no subject)

Nov. 23rd, 2007 | 09:18 pm



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Chris Adams.

May. 14th, 2006 | 04:13 pm
location: home.
mood: sicksick
music: sadness.

whos to say what goes through ones mind seconds before choosing to commit suicide.

i never thought it would be this way. 6 days ago, i reassured him that he was necessary. 6 days ago i reassured him that he was loved. and now, 3 days later, im still in shock. 3 days later im waiting for a phone call saying that it was all some misunderstanding, that hes fine, and just took a short vacation.

75% of all suicide attempts are not completed. the ones who do it for attention survive to wallow and tell everyone the next day why they feel as though theyd rather exit than stay and fix the problem.

the other 25% disapear before our very eyes and leave everyone around them guessing. what made it so hard? what if i would have...could i have?

what takes a life, and what saves a life.

all the obvious answers are there, and should make sense of it.

bi-polar. family issues. girlfriend, ex girlfriend, girlfriend. other guys. no medication. stressstressstress. job.

all the pieces are there. why do i not understand.

6 days ago i looked him in his face and told him i was there. told him that i missed him and begged him to come by, let him know everyone thought about him often and wished he come around more. i asked about his life, his world. what was going on? i spoke to his parents, let them know we were good for him. positive influences.

all i can do is think about all of the obvious clues, things you never see until its too late.

4 days.

his face is permanently engraved in my eyelids, every time they shut i see his smile. i hear his laugh in my head when i try to sleep at nite and i just wish...

i wish i knew what he was thinking about. i hope he knows what im thinking about now.

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(no subject)

Mar. 28th, 2006 | 03:58 am

if one more thing goes wrong...

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Feb. 28th, 2006 | 03:04 am

whoa. hey lj.

i did not die.

my life is crazy.

ive lost months.

at the new year i cut my losses and began cutting things from my life that were unnecessary.

telling everyone every detail of my life was one of those things.

i cant begin to catch everyone up, so instead ill summarize.

the last few months have been nothing short of crazy, intense, emotional, ever-changing, complicated, heartfelt, contemplative, and hard.

so much has happened and so much has changed and in a lot of ways, just from the beginning of this school year up until now, i feel like a different person.

ive been reclusive only to save everyone the burden of dealing with me and my seasonal affective disorder.

ive had this lj for 5 years now. if you go through my past entries, youll notice i always tend to disapear in the wintertime.

and unfortunately, ive disapeared in real life too.

when it rains on me, it always pours, and ive been doing my best to keep it all within the confines of myself and one or two others.

so. to those ive neglected, im sorry. its for your own good anyway.

im still writing. still breathing. still living. and hopefully soon, i will be back to my old self.

yours truly,
danielle, the seasonally affected hermitress.

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(no subject)

Dec. 18th, 2005 | 08:16 pm

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
See punkpixxxie's results.Collapse )

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Nov. 18th, 2005 | 08:09 am

and every fucking time
i do another line
your image
will flash in my mind
and ill keep appearing
dark circles
as pride
to make you ask
because i need
you as an achor
to keep me steady
and any form
of affection
will be just fine

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(no subject)

Nov. 18th, 2005 | 07:38 am

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Schizoid |||||||||||||| 58%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Antisocial |||||||||||| 46%
Borderline |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 42%
Narcissistic |||||||||||| 50%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 50%
Dependent |||||||||| 34%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

this explains a lot

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(no subject)

Nov. 18th, 2005 | 05:28 am

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(no subject)

Nov. 15th, 2005 | 07:47 am

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

love? sorry, that feature is currently disabled.

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its not a side effect of the cocaine

Nov. 15th, 2005 | 04:01 am

well hello, livejournal.

i got a letter from john today from jail, dont know what to make of it really.

i havent slept more than 3 hours a night in approx. a week and a half.

found out on friday that my grandpa has lymphatic cancer, 3 weeks-2 months.

my uncle is in the hospital in florida dying slowly of hepatitis.

ive missed entirely too much class in the last 2 weeks and i only have a few more weeks to go.

i miss my best friend so fucking much i actually ache inside.

im making a ridiculous amount of money and it just seems to be disapearing.

however, im going to raleigh this weekend to see my grandpa and spend time with my sister and nephew, which should help me feel somewhat better.

getting out of this city always makes me feel better.

on a good note, ive realized that i can make 400 or so closing bar mon-thur, and by that point i hit overtime anyway so from now on that will be my new schedule, giving me all weekends off.


i am desperately in need of something to be happy about, something new and exciting to hold my attention and keep me motivated. bleh.

how much do you love me?

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